All Daily Blog themes for this week will be hosted by #humandarkmatter. That means that all shows and content will be inspired by and visually integrated with the aesthetic of;
Thoughts from the Abyss*
*My pet name for my dark, broody mind/body/spirit scape
I love my website, but dislike the social media 'tools' and tricks I have to employ in order to get others to love it too. The truth is, my passion is not profitable for me. That puts me in that special category as failing entrepreneur. To be clear, much of that blame goes to my responsiveness to external challenges. Sure anything could be either harder or easier to that point of irrelevancy. Honestly, I thought things would be just a touch easier for me. I guess a more honest answer is I thought I would make more of myself before my tolerance broke, which is receding at a rate where I can clearly see a path where the things that challenge me the most, cease to be mentally or spiritually relevant.
So here is the problem, I can't imagine a closed human system being self-sustaining for long. Unless you're one of those highly trained 'alone on Mars' types.
Im not, I like to be adjacent and in the shade, slightly up hill from the society. Instead, I'm literally stuck under ground, surrounded by too many humans for the rude vastness of my theoretical comfort zone; I need a couple of archers, otherwise the air is thin and the World too busy for the big sensitivity of my material expression. To feel secure now, I often sit in the one space I had full control over, yet still barely completed-my Bathroom.
Somehow the energy from my own design trump's any signs of claustrophobia, because this is a 4 by 6 and a half space at best.
I sit in here, with my ambient accents and above all, ponder this reality and the conclusions I currently live by.
For one, I'm lonely by choice, in a sense. It became socially disappointing when I saw my Light, and looked around to notice my vast discomfort in so many defining relationships in my life.
I often weigh my 'sins' against those of others, to try and average an appropriate life reaction, and path to be Better than others, or in a more sincere sense, be My Best. Being Human too, it's only natural, if not survival instinct to know where your pain or success in a particular field measures up to what the average is for that field. This (life) equation, is far from as simple as stated. For example,
- Being a Black Cop turn Police Capt vs
- Being a Black athlete turned pro, Vs
- Being a Black entertainer who made the best out of 15mins of Fame.
Depending on which angle you come from, the weighted averages would shift from one category to another.
- Which is harder if you're a Black Woman?
- What's the statistical odds for each?
Much of modern society tells us not to compare our success or failure to others, and there is truth to that, but only based on narrower margins of acceptance than I think would fit into trending cultural social tone.
You're not going to compare your award winning science thesis to Beyonce's platinum album (any one of them) . We already know society cares more about the Queen B than some science paper that could theoretically cure cancer. Cynical? yes, but there is some truth behind it and we live it. Most people don't know what's important to them compared to what they do know, that isn't.
Proof of this can be measured by how they judge, value and determine their path for what they Dem 'living life on their terms' looks like.
you want to be Rich? How.
If most of us clearly knew viable paths to competitive levels of wealth, than more of us would be wealthy. For the most part, many of have an idea. The lottery is an idea, but if you think 'You Deserve it', I can only imagine how much your ego out weighs my own. Especially considering I basically said "I thought my success wouldn't require so much more effort from me" to start this blog.
Now here is a practical, real example of how I've applied most of the previously mentioned 'life maths';
When I began to wake myself up, I realized two things;
- I fucked up by not stabilizing my life sooner (cause I should have been good long before covid cancelled the hope I was leaning on)
- I didn't mentally, emotionally or spiritually connect with a deeper array of close life associations.
The latter is based on various realizations I had about people that I weighed against my decision to be morally responsible, etc. I wouldn't say I easily recommended it, but let's just say I clearly understand why I love Superboy Prime as a comic book character so much. Frankly if you know about his original story arc, you can go on use that as your corner stone for understand anything about me ( just exclude the mass murdering the character does, I legit don't like killing evasive insects, let alone more sentient beings. That doesn't mean I don't get absurdly angry at either).
My business is an extension of my soul at this point. It's the voice of my expression, a platform for my creative being. I know I'm letting this platform down, and I take a small confront in the certainty that I've created a clean draft for a human lifestyle advancing, multi million dollar media platform. I believe that, yet I'm still too weak to lift that belief for others to see.
Most often, I pray for strength. I pray to the powers that be for the strength to use their blessings. I can only believe I am blessed based on comparing those blessings to the value of my results ( results from 'God Given' talent vs. luck X effort).
That's how I view faith, science, and the advancement of our species. Life is a gift that takes a certain type of Strength for most of us to fully experience. Yet without a stable level of comparison (to others) how do we determine our own values and participation in the society we are part of?
How good or how bad you are at etc.
- Born with
- Level of
- Usefulness to yourself (as a release, form of expression or within your Fields creative, career, interest.) applicable to others?
Strength; variable. 'What you make of it.'
- The best of a bad situation, bad luck. Can you talent help with enough effort?
- How well you use what you have? How far can what you have get you?
You can be a spoiled rich kid without having the ignorance associated with that closed system.
You can also be lazy, but lucky, realizing and accepting it may be the biggest factor in gauging the value of your happiness vs effort for it.
For most people, it's not as simple as being lazy or energetic. It's about living in the balance between inspiration (survival can do it), ability and worthiness of our goals.