HTOM: 'Surgery', From Jack Of Jill

I will consider this one of my top five songs I never talked about. This entire album, Clear Hearts and Grey Flowers from the defunct band jack off Jill, has been a life staple of mine for the past 15 or so years. A over 20 years old Song, Surgery is one track that I owe closest to my heart. It's a dark theme song for my own version of self-evolution. 

This song feels like self-repair for the sake of others. It's a forced transition for the greater good, or seemingly not.

Hold me under

cut away this empty

 hold me under

 change the way I feel about you

-Surgery; Jack off Jill


Sometimes, This song reminds me of many past relationships. Like a theme song for the issues I exhibit within relationships; I wish to cut those pieces of me away and sculpt a more beautiful version of myself for you. but the act of cutting and leaving scars has consequences as well.


 The industrial, grunge metal Vibe of this song, Carried by the emotional cadence of the singers voice has never failed to sweep me away into a dark, romantic tragic self-imposing existence. The very nature of this song for me out dates the idea of ever listening to it high, let alone drunk. It's one of those original tracks that has always been with me depending on my mood, and taking a dive into it while under the influence of weed a workout or even meditation, my love for it takes a deeper nuance.

This song has a duality Expressed by the change of heart in lyrics.

I can change

 I'll correct the defect

Vs 

 I can't change 

I'll replace the  decay 

-Surgery; Jack off Jill

The idea of changing and making the correction versus not changing and just replacing what's wrong illustrates that sometimes the problem that you're facing could be within or it could be external, like someone else or your environment.

Personally, one of the most important lines is when she says:

...Kill The Narcissist with his reflection 

-Surgery; Jack off Jill

I've always thought about that as if the answer to a toxic relationship is showing the person how toxic they really are. As much as I see myself in this song, I can't ignore the fact that it is very personal For the artist. If only I were aware of this band and song earlier, perhaps I could have been around a proper emo grunge Punk Association. At least I would have fit in a little bit more and probably felt less like the philosophy of change that inspires the concepts Of self-love in relationships Illustrated by this Track. 

My Vibe with ‘Surgery’: 

  •  Mood Range: Dark,  Remorseful, gothic Self-reflection
  • Settings: Gothic Bars, Weight lifting, Abstract art or CyberPunk character designs (illustrations)
  • Artist playlist priority: Number 1. This song is in my music hall of fame.

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