HDM: Isolation; and the lessons we choose to learn.

1st quarter 2022

Entry 1

January 3rd, 2022


Who are you when you're alone? I often find myself pondering this very question, trying to recognize the cognitive nuances behind my ego, character, and personal agenda. Better yet, thinking about it and experiencing it often produces contrary results. It is in the moments when I do feel fully alone in my environment heart and mind, that I recognize how thin the boundary of peace in madness truly is.

For me the value of isolation is rediscovered in the body of work I produce when left fully to my own devices. The contrast. The edge of madness - is actualized via environmental or emotional distractions. In other words if I'm not full of myself, and no one is indirectly pissing me off because nobody is around to do so, I find myself just above content as I Rediscover the serenity of my unique individuality.

It's still interesting to think about all the people I've met over the years who for the one reason or another may feel uncomfortable in the silence of another person. More interestingly and albeit unusual for me, are those of us who need distractions from ourselves. It was unusual until I recognized that brief tendency in myself. My mistakes, shortcomings, in the obvious things I overlooked can often haunt me more than any entity I have challenged in the dark (cuz years of dabbling in chaos magic is a surefire way to stimulate cryptic elements of existence).

It is because of these experiences that I can begin to understand all the ways a person can be too sick of themselves to even reap the benefits of something as fundamental as meditation.

That's life. That's the journey. Having it (a life), facing it(life) and pursuing self mastery begins with personal understanding, and sometimes the hardest thing to do is nothing more than being left alone to face yourself. 

(..And not because of some fucking Global standing issue.)


-How long do you like to be alone?

-What kind of company do you crave?

- (this) isolation includes deprivation of physical, emotional and intellectual contact with other Human Beings, could you go without pets too? (My cat and turtles are kinda my cheat)

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